Zero
by JustBecauseImAwesome
Summary: Songfic to Hawk Nelson's "Zero" Warning: Charachter Death, mentions of suicide


**AN: I had tears in my eyes when I wrote this. That is very rare for me. Very. I wrote "Remember When," "Its The Only Life You Got," and even the "9112001" fics without even getting sad. So why does this affect me so much? Maybe its the amazing song. I don't know. But this is my birthday present to Miss Fenway. Thanks, Happy Birthday.**

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"**Zero"**

_Your Life dreams are shattered,  
Now you're gone away._

The boys of Big Time Rush couldn't believe it. At all. The night before, for some reason, their best friend Logan killed himself. Maybe it was just stress, or maybe it was something more. They hadn't known Logan was depressed. He had chosen not to tell them for some reason. But it didn't matter anymore. _  
_

_We've cried here for hours,  
And the hours turn to days._

Kendall, James, Carlos, and their families cried over the loss, most of them for hours, but before long, the hours turned to days, but nothing changed. _  
_

_We know you regret this,  
Leaving us here,_

They all realized Logan regretted what he did, wherever he was now, but they also realized he didn't know what he did. He hadn't been in control of his emotions anymore, and they eventually overpowered him.

_With portraits and memories  
That we've held so dear._

The familiar pictures stayed exactly where they were, gathering dust, only moved when they left the Palm Woods to go back to Minnesota, and even then, they went right back to where they used to be. The memories stayed, but they only brought pain to them all. 

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
No matter what they say, I'm not okay._

People brought Logan up all the time, but to the remaining three, it meant nothing but pain. Their parents said they were fine, and they did their best to maintain that illusion, but it was all fake. They weren't okay.

_And we started at zero, and went different ways.  
Now we're all out here wasting away.  
_

They slowly drifted apart, not going to each others houses, not hanging out, barely talking at school. They basically reverted back to a time before their strong friendship even existed.

_And if we started at zero, then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same._

They didn't mean to grow apart, they just did. Every time one of them saw one of the others, which was often in their small town, they all thought back to the days when everything was right in the world. 

_It's been three months since he left us.  
So far nothing's been the same._

Three months later, and their lives were completely different. Very. Without Logan to help them, their grades dropped, and school became more of a jail sentence than a place to learn. To say the least, their lives had been shattered.

_And my question without answer is:  
Am I the one to blame?  
_

They all thought the same thing. _Was it my fault? _But no matter how hard they tried, the question remained in their minds, never giving them a moment of peace.

_He was such a good description of a favored future man.  
He spoke well of other people, and they said the same for him.  
_

He would have grown up to be a great, if not exceptional, person, and everyone knew it. He always said good things about other people, almost never putting anyone down, and they usually returned the favor.

_When I hear your name, it's not the same.  
No matter what they say, I'm not okay.  
And we started at zero, and went different ways.  
They say they're sorry, well what are they sorry for?  
How can they possible know what I'm going through?  
I feel like no one's ever had to deal with the pain that I'm dealing with right now._

They could barely hear the name "Logan" without having a mental breakdown. To them, the name only meant painful memories of fake good times, and the remembrance of what once was. People said they were sorry, but they had no idea. The pain they went through was insurmountable, and, to them, it seemed like nobody knew what they were going through.

_Does anyone have answers?  
Just Six months ago everything was fine. or so it seemed.  
What turn of event caused him to go downhill?  
_

They didn't know if anyone knew why, but they did know that only six months ago, everything had seemed fine. But they had been living under a lie. No one knew the exact moment it started, but it didn't matter.

_His parents are devastated.  
His girlfriend's depressed.  
What was he thinking!  
_

If anything, his parents were taking it worse than anyone. The boys didn't talk to them anymore, but last they heard, they weren't doing well. Camille was torn apart by grief, at least the last time they had seen her she was. After trying for three months to get him to go out with her, and finally accomplishing it, only to have it taken away weeks later. They weren't sure what he was thinking, and they all knew it couldn't have been rational. He had been sick, technically, but there was nothing they could do anymore.

_And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
__Now we're all out here wasting away Wasting away  
Wasting away_

Kendall sometimes sat outside his house, staring up at the sky, just thinking. His mom and Katie had learned not to disturb him, but he didn't care if they did or not. He actually wanted them to sometimes. He had nothing left. He couldn't possibly expect to get into any good college with his grades, and truthfully, he didn't care anymore. But one night, when his mind was just blank, and he was just staring at nothing, something changed.

_And we started at zero  
And went different ways  
Now we're all out here wasting away  
And if we started at zero  
Then how did things change?  
It seems like just yesterday we were the same  
We were the same  
We were the same_

He jumped when he heard a snapping sound, and became alert to the two people standing in front of him. "Hey," He said, to his former friends. He hated referring to them as that, but there was no other word to describe it.

"Hey," Carlos responded, and they remained in an awkward silence for a moment. Finally, James broke it.

"Uh...We were...just gonna...go and..." James stammered, and Carlos finished for him.

"You wanna come with us?" He asked, not even hinting at where to. Kendall sighed and shrugged.

"I guess. Where are we going?" He finally said, unsure of the truth in his words.

"Does it matter?" James asked.

"Not really," Kendall answered, shaking his head.

"Then come on," Carlos said. Kendall felt the hint of a smile growing at his mouth, and for once, he didn't care. He figured things could change, and they didn't have to just waste away anymore.


End file.
